It's not a lake.
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starlightmornings:

shanology:

onewonderfulbug:

We’ve all seen it pop up on our dashboards, the “romance novel” between Hilda and Torolf.  And now I, because I hate myself so much, have decided to put it to the spoken word.  Read along, if you like.

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… Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.

Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which was seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.
“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”
Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.
Hilda looked at him expectantly.
“Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.
Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.

"buttermilk bosoms" "undulating midsection" "engorged pecker" "hot pearlescent sperms" "galloping abs"

rocksaltedcaramel starlightmornings thebestpersonherelovesbucky sgt-buckys-eyeliner setphaserstostucky ohcaptainmycaptain1918 mellyblue007 thewinterjawline jamesbarnesruinedmylife xwienersoldier xdelayedgratification neo—maxi—zoom—dweebie

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND GUYS THIS IS AN ACTUAL PUBLISHED NOVEL???

#crying #how #why #torolf what’s wrong with your body why does it do these things #I wanna read it now just for reasons #oh holy god this is so funny I’m gonna pee

HOLY CRAP this is hysterical.

seriously how??? does this end up in print

riderphanomhive:

memeguy-com:

There is no good and evil there is only power

riderphanomhive:

memeguy-com:

There is no good and evil there is only power

chen000:

bovidae:

chen000:

chen000:

how to draw a sheep: draw a cloud, legs, a circle for the head and there you have it
a sheep

someone draw a sheep using these instructions

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that looks like a real sheep !

 fluxmachine gifs

Artist Kevin Weir creates ghostly animated GIFs using Archival photos from the Library of Congress

capaldilieu:

petercapaldium:

loomborn:

Doctor, WHAT IS YOUR FACE?

ive got

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no faintest idea

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where he could

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get that

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what even are you you freaky old chameleon 

OMG THIS IS GOLD!!

blackandwhitestriped:

Please explain???